Blue Hat

It's been a long time since I've written a blog post. Honestly, it's hard to find time to even THINK about writing a blog post right now because life is moving at a million miles per hour, but there's something that's been bugging me for quite a while, so I decided I would take a minute to type this out. I almost feel bad writing this because I think this message has been written and spoken about a thousand times to every single person on earth, but I'm hoping that this one is just a little bit different than the rest.
In October, I turned seventeen years old. The only thing I really wanted for my birthday was to go to this awesome thing called the Texas Teen Book Festival where several of my favorite authors (as well as plenty of other awesome ones that I now have added to my list of people I admire) gathered to talk about their books, writing, and being an author. I was starstruck the entire time I was there because while most people don't look at authors as celebrities, I, in fact, do. I was just ecstatic to be in a place surrounded by people who loved stories so much and, in turn, understood me so well. I don't meet many writers around here, so it's sometimes hard to find people who relate. The whole day was just incredible.
The event itself was very interactive - I could literally walk up to Gayle Forman and ask her for a picture. There were all sorts of different panels you could listen to, as well as writing workshops and several book-signing sessions. Not to mention that I had some amazing one-on-one conversations with my favorite authors.
While there was a lot to take in and a very short amount of time to absorb everything, there was one thing that I saw very clearly, and it was just how genuine these writers are. By genuine I mean that they were completely and utterly themselves. Nothing about them was anything other than who they were. It was stunning in the most unique way possible to see so many grown people who are loud-and-proud about who they are. The way they walked, the way they talked - you could see it in their faces, how different they were from the rest of the world and how they accepted it in a very unspoken way.
In my world, you don't see that very much. You see a lot of teenagers who are desperate to fit in, which results in them trying to be exactly like the person next to them. That's probably why it stuck with me the way it did, just how these people were so completely individual. It was the opposite of what I live with every day.
Now here's the thing. I have never, ever enjoyed conforming to what everyone else is doing. I think I've been this way ever since I was little, without even realizing it. I'll give you one of the more horrifying examples of my childhood: The Blue Hat.
If you knew me when I was younger - probably around the first, second, third grade age - you know that I had this awful obsession with a blue bucket hat I got at SeaWorld. (What's sad is now there's even more shame in this entire story because it was a SeaWorld hat. I used to love SeaWorld, but back then, I was blind to the truth about the entire franchise and the fact that they abuse their animals in all sorts of terrifying ways. Now I'm all about #FreeTilly.) For some reason, I got attached to this hat. It became my security blanket, in a way. It was something I loved and something I NEVER took off. NEVER. It got to the point that the neighbors were asking my parents why I was still (STILL) wearing that hat. I think I knew that people thought it was weird, but the fact is that I loved it, so I wore it. I wore it anyway because COME ON MOM, OF COURSE I WON'T REGRET THIS WHEN I'M SEVENTEEN.
While the Blue-Hat phase was a bit of an embarrassing one, there's something important that I don't want to miss. A good family friend of ours told me recently that she loved my blue hat. She told me that every time I wore it, she would tell my parents that I was going to be a writer some day. She said the hat was what made me unique, and that's exactly what writers are - they don't care what other people think. They are loud-and-proud about who they are, proud of every quirk, every difference, every trait. I may feel embarrassed of that hat now, but the truth is that I was just being myself, and if I hadn't done that, then who would I be today?
I've been writing since I was in first grade. My stories started out as paragraphs and drawings written in an old composition book that's boxed up somewhere in my house. Sometimes I still go back to it and look at the little pieces of who I was then and who I've become. Without that blue hat, I'm not sure I would be writing stories the way I do now. If I hadn't let myself be different - if my parents hadn't let me live out The Blue Hat phase and every other phase I went through - I may not be brave enough to be a writer.
While I was at the Book Fest, I got to talk to Jandy Nelson, an author I love. She gave me plenty of advice, but one of the things she told me to do was read what I want to read, write what I want to write. She told me not to let anyone else get in the way of that, not to care what others think of my writing.
My writing is my expression, and if I let my fear of rejection interrupt that, then I can't be a writer at all. And if you live in fear of rejection, then the truth is that you can't live your life. You can't be a human, and you can't be the person you were created to be.
Everyone is different. Everyone has quirks, whether they're hidden or not. Everyone is weird. I just wish people would accept that as a fact. It's called being a human.
You were put here for a reason. And if I know one thing, your purpose is not to be just like the person next to you. If you act the same way or dress the same way as everyone else, then you can't live out your purpose. You really can't live at all because you're crammed inside the box society has set up for you. There isn't room to move or breathe in that box. There's only room for worry and fear of not being accepted, a fear that is often overlooked but can actually be crippling. It's suffocating, trying to be something you're not.
Here's my advice to you: wear your blue hat. Speak the words that have been dying to get out. Be right about something, or be wrong, and if you're wrong, learn from it. It's okay to be wrong sometimes. Do the things you love to do - if you can sing, then sing. If you can dance, then dance. If you can draw or write or even just read, then do all of those things. If you're good at math or if you like history, then involve yourself in those things. If your talent is helping people, then help people. Be with animals. Make people laugh. Talk to people, listen to people. Teach people. Love people. Embrace the talents God has given you and use them to make this world better.
Just live your life. Don't be scared to speak your mind and tell the world what you know. Don't be afraid of the bullies, the people who are against you - the truth is that you should feel bad for them because they aren't comfortable enough with who they are to let you be yourself, too. Pray for those people. Try and help them, but don't listen to a word they say about you, because it doesn't matter and it isn't true.
You've probably heard this a million times, but be yourself. Be so unprecedentedly you that you're unstoppable. The people who matter will love you for that. Wear your blue hat and be proud of it like I was. The truth is that in the end, you won't regret it. Life is a lot better when you're not trying to be something else and you're just being you.