Dear Mom and Dad,
First of all, I'd like to say congratulations - you made it. Keeping a child alive for eighteen years is no simple feat, and I think you should get credit for all the work you've done. All of the nights you spent up late with me as a baby, and the days you spent taking care of me when I was sick. All of the school lunches you packed, and the tears you dried, and the countless times you have had to battle my ridiculous teenage whims as I've gotten older. That is a lot of work to do, and you did it.
I know that as parents, you have many responsibilities besides just keeping me alive. Some of these responsibilities are optional, extra-mile parenting concepts that you had the freedom to omit, but you didn't. You went the whole nine yards, giving me everything I needed - time, money, love, attention - all at your own expense. You have shown me selflessness even when I am selfish, love even when I am hateful, patience even when I am irritable. I cannot thank you enough for that.
I'm not sure what you were like when I was born, since I cannot remember back that far, but I do know that you both are completely different people now. I've come to realize that no matter how old you get, you are constantly changing and learning new things through your experiences - trials, mistakes, losses, or whatever they may be. Humans change the same way the world does as time passes. Wind and water bring erosion, and before you know it, the earth you once knew is unrecognizable. I have seen you change in many different ways after going through the wind and rain of this life, but you are better because of it. When I look at you now, I see two people who are wise and mature, strong and capable - I see two people who I want to be like. I hope that I can grow to handle life the way you have, with grace and determination.
It is common for people to say that children are a gift, which is very true. We can learn a lot from children and from the joy they bring. But good parents are as much of a gift as a child is. I think good parents are God's gift to us, because it is through them that we can see a little bit of what God's love is like. The relationship between a parent and a child is something inexplainable - how a person's life is changed when their baby is born, how a parent would give up anything for their son or daughter, how they would sacrifice their own life for their child's. This is how God loves us, but on an even greater scale, one that the human mind cannot comprehend.
I am extremely blessed to have you, Mom and Dad. Without you, I would not be here today. Most people are going to tell me that today is my day, but in my opinion, it's your day, too. Thank you, Mom and Dad. I love you!
Love,
Emma
Monday, October 19, 2015
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Seeds
I remember being a very little girl when I received one of my first Bibles. It was a little pink Bible, given to me by my grandparents. My sister got one too, and the two of us were so excited about it. I still have it today, and sometimes I look at it and remember reading through it, still learning what it all meant. I wonder what would have happened if my grandparents hadn't given me that Bible and hadn't been the Christian influences they were throughout my childhood.
With those same Bibles, my dad used to come into our bedroom every night before bed and read them with us. He read us the Lord's Prayer, the 23rd Psalm, and the Beatitudes. He would help us memorize them one by one until we could say them by heart. Looking back, I can't believe I was able to memorize scripture when I was that young, but I did, and I still remember them today. I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't taken the time to show us these Scriptures and read the Bible with us.
My mother took time to plant the Scripture in our lives, too. Every morning before school, she would write notes for us and put them in our lunch boxes, each one with a different verse. I still have a few of them that I saved, stowed away in my desk. I wonder how many days would have been different if my mother hadn't done that.
Growing up, I had several Christian influences that have affected who I am today. These are things that they might think I have forgotten about, but I haven't. The truth is, people don't forget the things you do for them, whether they are big or small. I remember learning verses, learning Sunday school songs, reading handwritten notes in elementary school. At the time, I didn't realize what was happening, but looking back, I see it now - how these influences shaped my future and shaped my view of who God is. These were seeds that they planted - tiny seeds that are now grown into full plants, thriving as I move into adulthood. When I look at them, I see who I could have become compared to who I am, and I see now what I am supposed to do.
As Christians, we are called to lead people to Christ. This is a daunting task, considering the world we live in today where Christians are persecuted and mocked for their faith. Part of the problem is that most of us do not know how to defend our faith in a way that stands up to other views of the world. But another part of the problem is that we do not live in a way that mirrors Christ - we do not plant seeds as we should.
Yes, leading people to Christ does include witnessing and spreading the Gospel the way missionaries and pastors do. But you do not have to be a missionary or a pastor to lead people to Christ. A major part of this involves simply leading by example and planting seeds as we go, leaving a path behind us that people can see Jesus in.
We need to plant seeds of kindness, putting in the extra effort to show people love like my mother did. Simple acts of kindness make a world of difference for believers and non-believers alike. We need to influence other believers like my father did, teaching them and helping them grow stronger in their faith and in the areas they struggle in. We need to be generous and lead by example the way my grandparents did, giving others the tools needed to follow Christ, as well as using them in our daily lives.
Now, I teach Sunday school at my church to a large group of (very) energetic four-year-olds. While these kids teach me a lot themselves, I know that they learn a lot from me and other adults at the church as well, just by watching us. Everything I do is something they learn from. Every week, they recite memory verses to me and sing Bible songs, and I pray that they never lose the foundation they are receiving, that the things they are learning now follow them as they grow up. I pray that one day they are able to realize how fortunate they were to grow up with parents who take them to church and are raising them the way they are. But above all, I pray that I am a good example for them - I pray that I am a good example everywhere I go, for people young and old, and that the seeds I plant in the lives of others are the kind that they will be thankful for once they are fully grown. At school, at work, at home - this is how we should live. Striving for Christ, leading by example, loving with kindness. Our lives are our testament to Christ, no matter where we are or what we are doing.
With those same Bibles, my dad used to come into our bedroom every night before bed and read them with us. He read us the Lord's Prayer, the 23rd Psalm, and the Beatitudes. He would help us memorize them one by one until we could say them by heart. Looking back, I can't believe I was able to memorize scripture when I was that young, but I did, and I still remember them today. I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't taken the time to show us these Scriptures and read the Bible with us.
My mother took time to plant the Scripture in our lives, too. Every morning before school, she would write notes for us and put them in our lunch boxes, each one with a different verse. I still have a few of them that I saved, stowed away in my desk. I wonder how many days would have been different if my mother hadn't done that.
Growing up, I had several Christian influences that have affected who I am today. These are things that they might think I have forgotten about, but I haven't. The truth is, people don't forget the things you do for them, whether they are big or small. I remember learning verses, learning Sunday school songs, reading handwritten notes in elementary school. At the time, I didn't realize what was happening, but looking back, I see it now - how these influences shaped my future and shaped my view of who God is. These were seeds that they planted - tiny seeds that are now grown into full plants, thriving as I move into adulthood. When I look at them, I see who I could have become compared to who I am, and I see now what I am supposed to do.
As Christians, we are called to lead people to Christ. This is a daunting task, considering the world we live in today where Christians are persecuted and mocked for their faith. Part of the problem is that most of us do not know how to defend our faith in a way that stands up to other views of the world. But another part of the problem is that we do not live in a way that mirrors Christ - we do not plant seeds as we should.
Yes, leading people to Christ does include witnessing and spreading the Gospel the way missionaries and pastors do. But you do not have to be a missionary or a pastor to lead people to Christ. A major part of this involves simply leading by example and planting seeds as we go, leaving a path behind us that people can see Jesus in.
We need to plant seeds of kindness, putting in the extra effort to show people love like my mother did. Simple acts of kindness make a world of difference for believers and non-believers alike. We need to influence other believers like my father did, teaching them and helping them grow stronger in their faith and in the areas they struggle in. We need to be generous and lead by example the way my grandparents did, giving others the tools needed to follow Christ, as well as using them in our daily lives.
Now, I teach Sunday school at my church to a large group of (very) energetic four-year-olds. While these kids teach me a lot themselves, I know that they learn a lot from me and other adults at the church as well, just by watching us. Everything I do is something they learn from. Every week, they recite memory verses to me and sing Bible songs, and I pray that they never lose the foundation they are receiving, that the things they are learning now follow them as they grow up. I pray that one day they are able to realize how fortunate they were to grow up with parents who take them to church and are raising them the way they are. But above all, I pray that I am a good example for them - I pray that I am a good example everywhere I go, for people young and old, and that the seeds I plant in the lives of others are the kind that they will be thankful for once they are fully grown. At school, at work, at home - this is how we should live. Striving for Christ, leading by example, loving with kindness. Our lives are our testament to Christ, no matter where we are or what we are doing.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
The Greatest of These
For the majority of my life, I have been surrounded by Christians. When I was younger, I went to Sunday school and learned all the classic Bible stories that most children learn at church. My family members taught me all of the Bible songs, and I watched children's worship DVDs, as well as "Bible Man" and "The Odyssey" videos. (Believe it or not, I don't remember ever being into Veggie Tales.) I even memorized The Lord's Prayer at a pretty young age, which was extremely gratifying for a little kid.
Because I was raised in God's Word, I met many different types of Christians. When I was in elementary school, I didn't really know that there were different types of Christians. I went to a public school and assumed that if my friend said they were a Christian, then they were, and that was the end of it. I thought that if they told me they were a Christian, then they must be just like my family was and that they read their Bibles and had accepted Christ as their savior. It was sad for me to grow up and realize that most likely, a lot of those little kids - a lot of my friends - didn't know what a Christian really was.
My greatest hope is that maybe, even though I was only in elementary school, God's light shone through my life. I remember very clearly talking to other kids in my class about God. I remember going home to my mother and telling her how much I wanted my friends to believe in Jesus. I know I told kids about God, but I have no idea if any of them remember what I said. I can only hope that even though I was very young and didn't know anything about saving someone's soul, maybe my childlike enthusiasm rubbed off on them enough that they remembered Emma Vordenbaum when they grew up, and maybe they wondered, "What was it that made her different?"
Sitting here thinking back on it now, the only thing that I can think of that anyone would remember is kindness. When people are kind to me, I remember it. I think of that one time that someone switched seats for me on the airplane, or the other time when someone smiled at me in the hallways, and I remember how good it felt to know that someone made an effort - even if it was a small one - to be kind to me. I also remember how good it feels when I'm kind to others. I'll never forget this one time that I smiled at an old lady at Cracker Barrel - I mean, all I did was smile at her - and she was so happy about it. She told me how nice I was to smile at her - she seemed genuinely surprised that I had smiled at her - and it made me wonder if anyone was ever nice to this lady at all. I mean, how horrible would it be if the only nice thing anyone ever did for you was smile at you at Cracker Barrel?
The fact is, people NEED kindness in their lives. People need Christians in their lives who will make small gestures in passing to show God's love. But even more than that, people need Christians who will stop and listen to them and just show that they care. Not only do I remember telling people about Jesus in elementary school, but I remember that for some reason, whenever someone I knew had a problem, I would find them coming to me to talk about it and get advice. I remember a time when a girl I knew - and by "knew," I mean we weren't even really friends - came to me to talk about a problem she had. I was really surprised that she came to me because she hadn't talked to me in ages, but I put aside whatever recess plans I had that day to talk to her. She spent the entire afternoon walking around the playground and talking with me. I gave her the best advice I could think of, but most of all, I listened. That is what people need, is someone who cares enough to listen to them and show that they are valued and loved and that their problems are a priority. Even little kids need someone to talk to and someone who cares.
But as I go to Christian schools and meet more and more types of Christians, I realize that there are a lot of us who don't bother with that. I meet a lot of Christians who spend their whole day preaching - maybe not preaching, but yelling, lecturing, arguing, or shoving their beliefs down people's throats. They spend all their time trying to prove God's existence and debate about what the Bible says instead of reaching out to people who are hurting.
Don't get me wrong - we need people to speak the truth and preach what God wants us to hear. Without that, Christianity will crumble. But here's the truth: sometimes, people don't need Christians yapping in their ears all day long about how "homosexuality is wrong" and "liars go to hell" and "humanity is evil" - this is exactly why Christianity often has a bad image. Sometimes, people don't need someone with a holier-than-thou attitude - they need a person who understands and is willing to show kindness to ALL sinners, no matter what sins they are guilty of. They need a person who has accepted their imperfectness and has embraced forgiveness.
I have said this over and over to myself and to everyone around me - God's greatest commandment is to love each other. "The greatest of these is love," the Bible says. This is what Christ calls us to do - plant seeds of kindness wherever we go. I have seen it over and over again - people showing kindness and love without judgement or condemnation, and that simple action leading to salvation. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is love someone, and it will be the first step toward Christ.
I have watched so many people be pushed away from Christ because of Christians who hate other sinners for the things they do or the things they believe, and it breaks my heart every time. I've had friends tell me that they can't stand Christians because of how judgmental they are. These friends of mine must have rarely seen Christians act like Jesus. Jesus never turned away a broken man. He never hated a person for what they were - He only drew them closer by loving them and showing them the truth with gentleness. It even says in Ephesians 3:20 - "His spirit, working deeply and gently within us."
This is not what God wants for us. This is not what God wants for anyone, to be turned away, hated, or ignored. My message for Christians today is this: do not become self-righteous with your knowledge of the Bible or of your relationship with God. Don't let yourself believe that you know everything or that you are perfect, because this will lead to not only your destruction, but the destruction of countless other lives. Yes, we are called to tell the truth about God and we are called to defend our faith, but not in a way that belittles others, hurts them, or breaks them down. We are called to save others, and the most effective way to do this is to be kind. The only way to show people who God is is to exemplify God in our lives, displaying his characteristics in everything that we do.
If you were a nonbeliever and you needed salvation, how would you want another Christian to bring you to Christ?
Because I was raised in God's Word, I met many different types of Christians. When I was in elementary school, I didn't really know that there were different types of Christians. I went to a public school and assumed that if my friend said they were a Christian, then they were, and that was the end of it. I thought that if they told me they were a Christian, then they must be just like my family was and that they read their Bibles and had accepted Christ as their savior. It was sad for me to grow up and realize that most likely, a lot of those little kids - a lot of my friends - didn't know what a Christian really was.
My greatest hope is that maybe, even though I was only in elementary school, God's light shone through my life. I remember very clearly talking to other kids in my class about God. I remember going home to my mother and telling her how much I wanted my friends to believe in Jesus. I know I told kids about God, but I have no idea if any of them remember what I said. I can only hope that even though I was very young and didn't know anything about saving someone's soul, maybe my childlike enthusiasm rubbed off on them enough that they remembered Emma Vordenbaum when they grew up, and maybe they wondered, "What was it that made her different?"
Sitting here thinking back on it now, the only thing that I can think of that anyone would remember is kindness. When people are kind to me, I remember it. I think of that one time that someone switched seats for me on the airplane, or the other time when someone smiled at me in the hallways, and I remember how good it felt to know that someone made an effort - even if it was a small one - to be kind to me. I also remember how good it feels when I'm kind to others. I'll never forget this one time that I smiled at an old lady at Cracker Barrel - I mean, all I did was smile at her - and she was so happy about it. She told me how nice I was to smile at her - she seemed genuinely surprised that I had smiled at her - and it made me wonder if anyone was ever nice to this lady at all. I mean, how horrible would it be if the only nice thing anyone ever did for you was smile at you at Cracker Barrel?
The fact is, people NEED kindness in their lives. People need Christians in their lives who will make small gestures in passing to show God's love. But even more than that, people need Christians who will stop and listen to them and just show that they care. Not only do I remember telling people about Jesus in elementary school, but I remember that for some reason, whenever someone I knew had a problem, I would find them coming to me to talk about it and get advice. I remember a time when a girl I knew - and by "knew," I mean we weren't even really friends - came to me to talk about a problem she had. I was really surprised that she came to me because she hadn't talked to me in ages, but I put aside whatever recess plans I had that day to talk to her. She spent the entire afternoon walking around the playground and talking with me. I gave her the best advice I could think of, but most of all, I listened. That is what people need, is someone who cares enough to listen to them and show that they are valued and loved and that their problems are a priority. Even little kids need someone to talk to and someone who cares.
But as I go to Christian schools and meet more and more types of Christians, I realize that there are a lot of us who don't bother with that. I meet a lot of Christians who spend their whole day preaching - maybe not preaching, but yelling, lecturing, arguing, or shoving their beliefs down people's throats. They spend all their time trying to prove God's existence and debate about what the Bible says instead of reaching out to people who are hurting.
Don't get me wrong - we need people to speak the truth and preach what God wants us to hear. Without that, Christianity will crumble. But here's the truth: sometimes, people don't need Christians yapping in their ears all day long about how "homosexuality is wrong" and "liars go to hell" and "humanity is evil" - this is exactly why Christianity often has a bad image. Sometimes, people don't need someone with a holier-than-thou attitude - they need a person who understands and is willing to show kindness to ALL sinners, no matter what sins they are guilty of. They need a person who has accepted their imperfectness and has embraced forgiveness.
I have said this over and over to myself and to everyone around me - God's greatest commandment is to love each other. "The greatest of these is love," the Bible says. This is what Christ calls us to do - plant seeds of kindness wherever we go. I have seen it over and over again - people showing kindness and love without judgement or condemnation, and that simple action leading to salvation. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is love someone, and it will be the first step toward Christ.
I have watched so many people be pushed away from Christ because of Christians who hate other sinners for the things they do or the things they believe, and it breaks my heart every time. I've had friends tell me that they can't stand Christians because of how judgmental they are. These friends of mine must have rarely seen Christians act like Jesus. Jesus never turned away a broken man. He never hated a person for what they were - He only drew them closer by loving them and showing them the truth with gentleness. It even says in Ephesians 3:20 - "His spirit, working deeply and gently within us."
This is not what God wants for us. This is not what God wants for anyone, to be turned away, hated, or ignored. My message for Christians today is this: do not become self-righteous with your knowledge of the Bible or of your relationship with God. Don't let yourself believe that you know everything or that you are perfect, because this will lead to not only your destruction, but the destruction of countless other lives. Yes, we are called to tell the truth about God and we are called to defend our faith, but not in a way that belittles others, hurts them, or breaks them down. We are called to save others, and the most effective way to do this is to be kind. The only way to show people who God is is to exemplify God in our lives, displaying his characteristics in everything that we do.
If you were a nonbeliever and you needed salvation, how would you want another Christian to bring you to Christ?
Friday, January 9, 2015
Blue Hat
It's been a long time since I've written a blog post. Honestly, it's hard to find time to even THINK about writing a blog post right now because life is moving at a million miles per hour, but there's something that's been bugging me for quite a while, so I decided I would take a minute to type this out. I almost feel bad writing this because I think this message has been written and spoken about a thousand times to every single person on earth, but I'm hoping that this one is just a little bit different than the rest.
In October, I turned seventeen years old. The only thing I really wanted for my birthday was to go to this awesome thing called the Texas Teen Book Festival where several of my favorite authors (as well as plenty of other awesome ones that I now have added to my list of people I admire) gathered to talk about their books, writing, and being an author. I was starstruck the entire time I was there because while most people don't look at authors as celebrities, I, in fact, do. I was just ecstatic to be in a place surrounded by people who loved stories so much and, in turn, understood me so well. I don't meet many writers around here, so it's sometimes hard to find people who relate. The whole day was just incredible.
The event itself was very interactive - I could literally walk up to Gayle Forman and ask her for a picture. There were all sorts of different panels you could listen to, as well as writing workshops and several book-signing sessions. Not to mention that I had some amazing one-on-one conversations with my favorite authors.
While there was a lot to take in and a very short amount of time to absorb everything, there was one thing that I saw very clearly, and it was just how genuine these writers are. By genuine I mean that they were completely and utterly themselves. Nothing about them was anything other than who they were. It was stunning in the most unique way possible to see so many grown people who are loud-and-proud about who they are. The way they walked, the way they talked - you could see it in their faces, how different they were from the rest of the world and how they accepted it in a very unspoken way.
In my world, you don't see that very much. You see a lot of teenagers who are desperate to fit in, which results in them trying to be exactly like the person next to them. That's probably why it stuck with me the way it did, just how these people were so completely individual. It was the opposite of what I live with every day.
Now here's the thing. I have never, ever enjoyed conforming to what everyone else is doing. I think I've been this way ever since I was little, without even realizing it. I'll give you one of the more horrifying examples of my childhood: The Blue Hat.
If you knew me when I was younger - probably around the first, second, third grade age - you know that I had this awful obsession with a blue bucket hat I got at SeaWorld. (What's sad is now there's even more shame in this entire story because it was a SeaWorld hat. I used to love SeaWorld, but back then, I was blind to the truth about the entire franchise and the fact that they abuse their animals in all sorts of terrifying ways. Now I'm all about #FreeTilly.) For some reason, I got attached to this hat. It became my security blanket, in a way. It was something I loved and something I NEVER took off. NEVER. It got to the point that the neighbors were asking my parents why I was still (STILL) wearing that hat. I think I knew that people thought it was weird, but the fact is that I loved it, so I wore it. I wore it anyway because COME ON MOM, OF COURSE I WON'T REGRET THIS WHEN I'M SEVENTEEN.
While the Blue-Hat phase was a bit of an embarrassing one, there's something important that I don't want to miss. A good family friend of ours told me recently that she loved my blue hat. She told me that every time I wore it, she would tell my parents that I was going to be a writer some day. She said the hat was what made me unique, and that's exactly what writers are - they don't care what other people think. They are loud-and-proud about who they are, proud of every quirk, every difference, every trait. I may feel embarrassed of that hat now, but the truth is that I was just being myself, and if I hadn't done that, then who would I be today?
I've been writing since I was in first grade. My stories started out as paragraphs and drawings written in an old composition book that's boxed up somewhere in my house. Sometimes I still go back to it and look at the little pieces of who I was then and who I've become. Without that blue hat, I'm not sure I would be writing stories the way I do now. If I hadn't let myself be different - if my parents hadn't let me live out The Blue Hat phase and every other phase I went through - I may not be brave enough to be a writer.
While I was at the Book Fest, I got to talk to Jandy Nelson, an author I love. She gave me plenty of advice, but one of the things she told me to do was read what I want to read, write what I want to write. She told me not to let anyone else get in the way of that, not to care what others think of my writing.
My writing is my expression, and if I let my fear of rejection interrupt that, then I can't be a writer at all. And if you live in fear of rejection, then the truth is that you can't live your life. You can't be a human, and you can't be the person you were created to be.
Everyone is different. Everyone has quirks, whether they're hidden or not. Everyone is weird. I just wish people would accept that as a fact. It's called being a human.
You were put here for a reason. And if I know one thing, your purpose is not to be just like the person next to you. If you act the same way or dress the same way as everyone else, then you can't live out your purpose. You really can't live at all because you're crammed inside the box society has set up for you. There isn't room to move or breathe in that box. There's only room for worry and fear of not being accepted, a fear that is often overlooked but can actually be crippling. It's suffocating, trying to be something you're not.
Here's my advice to you: wear your blue hat. Speak the words that have been dying to get out. Be right about something, or be wrong, and if you're wrong, learn from it. It's okay to be wrong sometimes. Do the things you love to do - if you can sing, then sing. If you can dance, then dance. If you can draw or write or even just read, then do all of those things. If you're good at math or if you like history, then involve yourself in those things. If your talent is helping people, then help people. Be with animals. Make people laugh. Talk to people, listen to people. Teach people. Love people. Embrace the talents God has given you and use them to make this world better.
Just live your life. Don't be scared to speak your mind and tell the world what you know. Don't be afraid of the bullies, the people who are against you - the truth is that you should feel bad for them because they aren't comfortable enough with who they are to let you be yourself, too. Pray for those people. Try and help them, but don't listen to a word they say about you, because it doesn't matter and it isn't true.
You've probably heard this a million times, but be yourself. Be so unprecedentedly you that you're unstoppable. The people who matter will love you for that. Wear your blue hat and be proud of it like I was. The truth is that in the end, you won't regret it. Life is a lot better when you're not trying to be something else and you're just being you.
In October, I turned seventeen years old. The only thing I really wanted for my birthday was to go to this awesome thing called the Texas Teen Book Festival where several of my favorite authors (as well as plenty of other awesome ones that I now have added to my list of people I admire) gathered to talk about their books, writing, and being an author. I was starstruck the entire time I was there because while most people don't look at authors as celebrities, I, in fact, do. I was just ecstatic to be in a place surrounded by people who loved stories so much and, in turn, understood me so well. I don't meet many writers around here, so it's sometimes hard to find people who relate. The whole day was just incredible.
The event itself was very interactive - I could literally walk up to Gayle Forman and ask her for a picture. There were all sorts of different panels you could listen to, as well as writing workshops and several book-signing sessions. Not to mention that I had some amazing one-on-one conversations with my favorite authors.
While there was a lot to take in and a very short amount of time to absorb everything, there was one thing that I saw very clearly, and it was just how genuine these writers are. By genuine I mean that they were completely and utterly themselves. Nothing about them was anything other than who they were. It was stunning in the most unique way possible to see so many grown people who are loud-and-proud about who they are. The way they walked, the way they talked - you could see it in their faces, how different they were from the rest of the world and how they accepted it in a very unspoken way.
In my world, you don't see that very much. You see a lot of teenagers who are desperate to fit in, which results in them trying to be exactly like the person next to them. That's probably why it stuck with me the way it did, just how these people were so completely individual. It was the opposite of what I live with every day.
Now here's the thing. I have never, ever enjoyed conforming to what everyone else is doing. I think I've been this way ever since I was little, without even realizing it. I'll give you one of the more horrifying examples of my childhood: The Blue Hat.
If you knew me when I was younger - probably around the first, second, third grade age - you know that I had this awful obsession with a blue bucket hat I got at SeaWorld. (What's sad is now there's even more shame in this entire story because it was a SeaWorld hat. I used to love SeaWorld, but back then, I was blind to the truth about the entire franchise and the fact that they abuse their animals in all sorts of terrifying ways. Now I'm all about #FreeTilly.) For some reason, I got attached to this hat. It became my security blanket, in a way. It was something I loved and something I NEVER took off. NEVER. It got to the point that the neighbors were asking my parents why I was still (STILL) wearing that hat. I think I knew that people thought it was weird, but the fact is that I loved it, so I wore it. I wore it anyway because COME ON MOM, OF COURSE I WON'T REGRET THIS WHEN I'M SEVENTEEN.
While the Blue-Hat phase was a bit of an embarrassing one, there's something important that I don't want to miss. A good family friend of ours told me recently that she loved my blue hat. She told me that every time I wore it, she would tell my parents that I was going to be a writer some day. She said the hat was what made me unique, and that's exactly what writers are - they don't care what other people think. They are loud-and-proud about who they are, proud of every quirk, every difference, every trait. I may feel embarrassed of that hat now, but the truth is that I was just being myself, and if I hadn't done that, then who would I be today?
I've been writing since I was in first grade. My stories started out as paragraphs and drawings written in an old composition book that's boxed up somewhere in my house. Sometimes I still go back to it and look at the little pieces of who I was then and who I've become. Without that blue hat, I'm not sure I would be writing stories the way I do now. If I hadn't let myself be different - if my parents hadn't let me live out The Blue Hat phase and every other phase I went through - I may not be brave enough to be a writer.
While I was at the Book Fest, I got to talk to Jandy Nelson, an author I love. She gave me plenty of advice, but one of the things she told me to do was read what I want to read, write what I want to write. She told me not to let anyone else get in the way of that, not to care what others think of my writing.
My writing is my expression, and if I let my fear of rejection interrupt that, then I can't be a writer at all. And if you live in fear of rejection, then the truth is that you can't live your life. You can't be a human, and you can't be the person you were created to be.
Everyone is different. Everyone has quirks, whether they're hidden or not. Everyone is weird. I just wish people would accept that as a fact. It's called being a human.
You were put here for a reason. And if I know one thing, your purpose is not to be just like the person next to you. If you act the same way or dress the same way as everyone else, then you can't live out your purpose. You really can't live at all because you're crammed inside the box society has set up for you. There isn't room to move or breathe in that box. There's only room for worry and fear of not being accepted, a fear that is often overlooked but can actually be crippling. It's suffocating, trying to be something you're not.
Here's my advice to you: wear your blue hat. Speak the words that have been dying to get out. Be right about something, or be wrong, and if you're wrong, learn from it. It's okay to be wrong sometimes. Do the things you love to do - if you can sing, then sing. If you can dance, then dance. If you can draw or write or even just read, then do all of those things. If you're good at math or if you like history, then involve yourself in those things. If your talent is helping people, then help people. Be with animals. Make people laugh. Talk to people, listen to people. Teach people. Love people. Embrace the talents God has given you and use them to make this world better.
Just live your life. Don't be scared to speak your mind and tell the world what you know. Don't be afraid of the bullies, the people who are against you - the truth is that you should feel bad for them because they aren't comfortable enough with who they are to let you be yourself, too. Pray for those people. Try and help them, but don't listen to a word they say about you, because it doesn't matter and it isn't true.
You've probably heard this a million times, but be yourself. Be so unprecedentedly you that you're unstoppable. The people who matter will love you for that. Wear your blue hat and be proud of it like I was. The truth is that in the end, you won't regret it. Life is a lot better when you're not trying to be something else and you're just being you.
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